my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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