dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
as a side note pls kill me
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