it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
