I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Soap is not a condiment
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
