I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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