i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
