Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
