Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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