We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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