My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
