Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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