Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sext me about skeletons
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
