I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
