I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
