i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
last night I used snow as a chaser
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
