I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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