Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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