I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
