I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You ruined the universe
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
