i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
my liver is dry heaving
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
