obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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