I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
