The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
