I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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