dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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