I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
