So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
