I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Say something about gay babies.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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