My liver just broke up with me...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
