Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
