I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
