Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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