Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
