I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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