Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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