Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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