my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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