She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
