dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
