You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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