Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
