hotel room ftw
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
