the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
