oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
