One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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