Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize