She said her name was "party"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
