Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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