I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
