And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
