Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
