The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
