My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
