We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
