I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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