It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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