tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
