mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
