i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
