im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
