She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
nutella sex= disaster
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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