shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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