I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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