I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
